I had this on my chest for a little while now, but its something I would like to share concerning my experience with a writing group and dealing with social anxiety issues.
Early last year I was invited to the Sudbury Writers’ Guild (SWG), a membership-based writing group in Greater Sudbury that provides workshops, guest speakers, and promotes discussion among a range of people, from established authors down to the casual hobby writer. Like many writing groups scattered across the globe, they are a fabulous group of people doing fabulous work, indulging in what they like to do the most: writing stories, poems, other articles, you name it.
I should confess, then, that I only attended one session, and never went back. If it wasn’t obvious from the leading paragraph, it wasn’t because they were a bad group. In fact, I think they’re a grand group of people from all walks of life. For me, it boiled down to shyness and social anxiety.
Like many other people, I do suffer from social anxiety. I get nervous when I have to engage in groups, talk with others, or even share my work with someone. Sometimes I will just say nope. It’s a problem that has plagued me since high school, where my social bubble and comfortable space shrunk to the size of a dried raisin in an icy bath. I could talk to people, yes, but I preferred if they did not, or me talk to them. I was very uncomfortable in those days. I still am today, although not as much.
Since I started writing as an interest that I want to greatly expand upon, I did realize I may have to do things that would require me crawling out of my shell. Because writing is often flexible with no set schedules (unless you set them, or a publisher sets them in contract), I could give myself the option to ease the transition into becoming more outgoing. Fantastic, right?
The zinger came last year on that invite. At my real life job, I happened to run into the vice president of the Sudbury Writers’ Guild, and she asked if I would attend a free meeting. Bravely, I accepted. It’s brave of me because I do not seek out things like groups and group activities unless I’m forced to otherwise. It was my chance to try and break out of my shell.
Nonetheless, heart pumping, I went, expecting something professional or formal for some reason.
What it turned out to be was a group of people, informal at the best, all turning up to this meeting to discuss and hear others speak about writing, and, of course, guild business. I also met the president of SWG, Tom Leduc, who was once Sudbury’s Poet Laureate, and an established author himself. I met several of the other members of this group, who were also very welcoming. We got a guest speaker from the president of a local publishing house here in Sudbury, Latitude 46, which was also very informative. A grand old time it was. I learned a lot that one day, and I asked some questions about membership. In the one spark of clarity after that session, I wanted to go back for another monthly meeting and do it again.
Alas, I did not.
Part of the reason was real life. Writing, at this stage of my career (of which there is just a speck), is still considered a side hobby. I do use a lot of my free time dedicated to writing and do what I love, but I cannot ignore the real life consequences of my personal and work life. That’s the partly part.
The mostly part was, again, the social bit hitting the back of my skull like an alarm without a snooze button. I kept thinking about it. Yes, I want to go back, but I couldn’t fit or work my way around for a schedule; but more so, what if I have to participate in something? I get worried about things like this, which should be nonsense, but I let it get to me. I didn’t ask to have my schedule reorganized. Eventually, I had let it go, and that was that. The anxiety over the whole thing went away, as did the reason I attended the SWG meeting in the first place.
I do see members from time to time, and I hesitate upon seeing them, because I think what if they remember me? I let it go, and I became a little distraught over that. I am a worrier, after all. I’m sure they had people who were considering joining before just decline after having that one session, but I felt bad about how I handled it. I had bit off more than I could chew, socially speaking, and I think forcing myself to go–despite all intentions–put a little more strain than I could handle.
I’ve always been a shy person, and I think shyness is what hit hardest. The bad feeling did send a signal to my brain, however. It was one of those signals that, if it was a lighthouse, I was meant to see on a boat several hundred yards away. It told me that, if I need want to continue, I do need to socialize more. Since then, I’ve started talking to some, little by little, about writing and what I do. Hell, I’ve joined Twitter now, and I was thinking about participating in some of Reddit’s r/WritingPrompts prompts. I went into discussion with a co-worker a few days earlier about what I was doing, but I still had a hard time wanting to share that information for fear of being judged a lunatic or juvenile.
It still gets to me, but that one meeting and the personal aftermath did help me more than I realized. I had a mental discussion with myself before uploading the first The Severis Tales story, a mental tug of war, if you will. I looked back upon that one meeting, and how brave it was for me to step foot into that room, to accept that invitation, and to participate (although at the back of the room on my own) in an open discussion and talk to others. It was a big first step. Now, I’ve got five TST stories up (almost a total of 60,000 words, I reckon), I have a twitter account that I use every once in awhile, I talk a little more about the things I’m doing, and I got two short stories I’m submitting to the CBC Short Story Contest.
It’s been a hell of a ride for me, personally speaking, since I attended that one meeting. Even by a nudge, it improved my own social skills to the point I can at least talk in short length about my writing, no matter how silly it sounds or looks, but I still feel embarrassed and nervous about it. We’re all writers and talkers from all walks of life, and I fit in that one large group in some way or another. I should mention that the experience made me realize that group activities are not for me, specifically, and that I may be better off doing things on my own, rather than in participation with others.
As for the Sudbury Writer’s Guild, I wish them all the best. They are an excellent service and group for other would-be authors of whatever specialty you may like, be it poetry, historical non-fiction or just telling stories. Many of the members are also involved in literary programs and events in Sudbury. From what I heard, they have good turnouts as well.
Writing groups are not just a support group, but they can be a wealth if information; not to mention giving you a bit of mental self-improvement. If you are a would-be writer, amateur or wanting to become professional, and you have a writing group in your area, you should definitely check them out. Even if it feels like a waste of your own personal time, and it isn’t for you, at least still give them a glance and a nod. If you care, people care about what you do. It works both ways.
Visit the Sudbury Writers’ Guild here at https://sudburywritersguild.com.